Fifteen weeks since I have hit a ball.

I  had an ultrasound.  I have a 2 cm hole torn in my right shoulder.  I have other tears as well.  My rotator cuff is confirmed damaged.  Now both rotator cuffs are damaged.  The left was first damaged in 1985.

I have been told that I can play tennis again someday but it will have to be a modified game.  Not striking balls over shoulder height.  That would mean no more serving or returning high balls.

I enjoy the exercise from the game.  But playing a chair player and keeping score is the most fun.  Striving to do better and then measuring the results in competition.  Competition is the biggest thrill.

When I was told to play a modified game.  I Immediately was aware that I would be foolish to compete again if I was to use my right arm.  Yes I could play recreational tennis but not being able to serve with spin and power.  A underhand serve would not take me very far.  High shots from my opponent would not be returned by me.

Continuing to hit with my right hand would end my career the next time I hit a few high balls with power.

Left… The only choice if I will play again.  It took a few weeks after playing my last match to actual pick up a racket in my left hand.   It was almost impossible to do at first.  I tried to pick it up each morning and swing the brand new unstrung Babolot Pure Aero for a about 15 swings a few slices and a few volleys.  Trying to just do it.  For the first ten days I did it religiously spending 30 seconds each day with a racket in my left hand.  But picking it up off of the living room chair before I sat down to swing it my right hand would reach for the racket or my left hand would pick it up and give it to my right hand.  I made the decision to change everything to left except for writing.  Brushing teeth, hair, eating etc.  For another few weeks I religiously put in my swinging time.  I was now able to walk up to the racket and pick up with my left hand in the correct grip.

My left hand is not foreign to the racket.  I have half volley against a wall many times with it over the years.  When I cannot get to a ball on the AD side of the court when playing I will swing at it with my left and hope that it goes in.  There is a huge advantage in that my body already know the swings on the right side so the left does not have to go through many years of training just to understand effective strokes.  The left can do the correct path immediately.  BUT…  There is no strength in my left arm.  I have to build strength.

I know without a doubt that if I went on the court this minute in my chair and used my right arm I would play until I couldn’t.  Like a grey nosed, 12 year old, toothless, arthritic Labrador retriever I would go until my arm would not.  And it would not take long.

If I went on court today to play left handed I would still take my right arm down.  Pushing my chair would take it further backwards.  I had to go for a functional assessment for the insurance company.  The person from the company yelled accusations at me on the phone and warned that if I did not go my payments would be cut off.  I went and then I was told if I did not sign a statement saying I volunteered for the assessment I could not proceed in the assessment.  YOU GOTTA LOVE THAT.

One eight hour day and part of a second.  I left in greater pain.  More holes in my leg.  Both arms at reduced capacity.  Right shoulder rolled forward.

For years when sleeping I have had dreams about tennis.  Usually I wake up quickly as I start moving my body in my sleep.  I love playing tennis in my sleep.  Sometimes the jolt of waking up to a powerful forehand startles me.  I had THE dream last night.  I was sleeping and I was playing tennis.  I partially woke up to the jolt of a forehand.  When I woke the next morning I was happy to have had the tennis dream because I cannot remember the last time I had one.  I realized that I was playing with my left hand in the dream.  That made me happy to know my mind is ready to make it happen.

The Inner Game of Tennis…  Thank you Timothy

I hope the pain in my right arm dissolves into nothing.  I want to move it painlessly and then rebuild its strength so I may play again.  I know it will be months.  I hope I can at least start next summer.

Until I can write more tennis related…  I wish you the best.